getting real

so i hear when your pregnant your emotions are intensified. oh man, i am not looking forward to this!

 my sister was telling me the other day that i am an overly emotional person normally but now that i am pregnant i have become more so lately and sometimes my loved ones feel like they have to walk on eggshells. i can totally see why they feel this way because i feel this way too! well i would never say that i was "overly emotional" before but i can see a drastic height in my emotions. i never used to cry during movies, i used to just brush things off, and i was very sarcastic. I'm not nearly as mean and grumpy anymore (sarcastic was a better word i think) but i seem to come across triggers that cause me to be so overwhelmed with emotions that i cry or at least my eyes water up. and not always a bad thing, but even in movies i cry more at happy and sad parts. i really need to get a grip, i hear it only gets worse.

part of the reason i have very intense feelings is that i am also very stressed. I wasn't exactly honest early when i said, great news.. i'm having a baby. Its not great news that i am in the situation that i am in. lets face it, i am a single women at 25, previously divorced, working a dead end part time job, living with my sisters, in a relationship that i have no idea where it will go in future. I am worried out of my mind what the next year or two will bring. I wish i could say i was happily married, with a beautiful house, expecting my first child with tons of money saved up. but quite frankly its just the opposite. I am thrilled to receive all the blessing about to come my way, and by no means am i saying that i am unhappy about bringing a child into the world but i am unhappy of the christian example i have not set for others who look up to me. After all, this is the day the lord has made, lets be glad and rejoice in it. I just wish that it were easier to rejoice knowing i made good decisions to land me in this predicament. I fell a little far off the path but i am facing life with new perspectives so just watch me rise to the occasion and better my life because of it. i've already started my way back to the path to righteousness and that path is not paved in gold, it is very bumpy but hopefully its all down hill from here :) ok, realistically i know it won't be but i am prepared. i want to be an example my sisters, friends, and fellow church going family members can look up too. life is full of mistakes and sins, its how those life hiccups change the way you view and live your life that really matter. with the help of my beloved parents, family, friends, and God i believe this is very possible! Optimism is a good look.

helpful tip for baby brain: eat mints. its supposed to help trigger those zingers that all of a sudden you just can't remember. also very helpful if your taking a test after a long night of studding.